Friday, April 1, 2011

Top Stringer Resigns

Michael Green, the Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge, has announced his resignation. A leading string theorist, Professor Green was due to retire from the position in 2013, but administrators have confirmed that he will be vacating his office later this year.

Asked why he had chosen early retirement, Professor Green said, "I was so sorely disappointed with this year's results from the Large Hadron Collider, as they appear to disfavour the basic tenets of string theory. I thought it would be best to turn the position over to a younger scientist." Professor Green knows of no other leading string theorists who are planning to resign, and we could not track any down, but we did come across rumours emanating from an Ivy League university that three leading stringers from Harvard may be considering a similar action.


  1. String"theory" has become quite unravelled. Who doesn't have a theory now? I only hope for a universe where a woman ( Kea) would be considered for that Lucasian chair.

  2. Yes, that other universe would be far more pleasant than this one.

  3. I assure you it is a pleasant place- and all the string theorists now braid their hair.

  4. So you visited it, ThePeSla? I am glad to hear the stringers have learned to be tidier over there.


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